Actual bloopers which are unintentional Bible jokes from church bulletins or announcements:
-The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
-The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
-Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
-Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
-Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
.-For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
-Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
-Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
-A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
-The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
-Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
-The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
-This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
-The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
-Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door...
-The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Bible jokes in questions and answers format:
Q. How do we know God loves baseball?
A. He started the Bible with In The Big Inning
Q. Where is the first Bible mention of tennis?
A. Genesis - when Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Q. Where is car racing first mentioned in the Bible?
A. In Exodus when Aaron dragged his rod across the desert.
Q. Who didn't have any parents?
A. Joshua the son of Nun.
Q. Who was the shortest man in the Bible?
A. Peter, who slept on his watch.
Q. Who was another short man in the Bible?
A. Nehemiah [Knee High Miah]
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a Little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
B. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
C. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Q. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
A. In the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'
What is your favorite Bible joke? Put it in the Facebook box below!
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