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How Does Sex Before Marriage
Ruin The Image Of God?

By Glenn Davis

Anyone who has any understanding of the Bible knows that God has limited the sexual relationship to one man and one woman within marriage. Why did He require sexual abstinence before marriage?

Our world seems to have gone sex-mad. Christians of every age are influenced toward immorality. The temptation is strong. Many Christians know God has said "No," but they have no idea why He requires sexual abstinence before marriage. Of course, obedience doesn't need reasons. God has said, "Sex in marriage only," and that's enough; however, understanding the reasons can encourage and motivate us in our obedience.  It also helps us defend our faith and show God's wisdom.

As with all things, God is the center. God designed marriage, including the sexual relationship, as a picture of the tender care He has for the Church in general and for Christians as individuals. It portrays God's faithfulness, commitment, and single-mindedness to His people, i.e., Christians. It also expresses the intense joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction that is to be found in God alone.

Immorality then gives false testimony to the character of God. It pictures Him as a selfish Being using and abusing people for His own pleasure. It says God is unfaithful and untrustworthy. It is the teaching of false religions which proclaim that "all paths lead to God." God does not flirt or go after others. There is only one way to God - Jesus Christ. Satan delights in immorality, for it slanders who God is.

Marriage is for two people of opposite genders united in God for a purpose. Some feel that having children is the main reason for marriage. It is an important purpose, but not the only one. God has a purpose for every married couple. [He also has a purpose for every single person!]  They are to focus on God's purposes to expand the Kingdom of God. Sex expresses that unity. Intimacy outside of marriage breaks that unity and destroys the purpose of God for the couple. It is one of Satan's ways of slowing down the expansion of the Kingdom of God.

Side note: One of the important reasons why Christians of all ages give in to temptations, suffer from depression, and/or are "bored" is because they have not discovered who they are in Christ and God's purpose for them in life. People with purpose are better able to resist temptation and live happy, healthy lives.

Sexual Abstinence Before Marriage

Maintaining sexual abstinence before marriage and keeping intimacy in marriage teaches self-control. Controlling and focusing one's actions is one of the keys to successful living. Controlling one's sexual drive and focusing it on one's spouse alone teaches control in every area of life. People with no or little self-control self-destruct. Unfortunately, they not only hurt themselves, but also cause much damage to many innocent lives.

Sexual abstinence before marriage is a part of a man showing how much he values his prospective wife.  It is self-centred for him to expect her to give herself totally to him before he gives himself totally to her in the commitment of marriage.  If the "price" of self-control he paid for her is not high, then he will tend to look on her with less value.  Any woman who has a prospective marriage partner pressuring her or even hinting at sex before marriage should recognize that he is devaluing her and his "love" for her is based on what he can get, not what he can give.  Both men and women should hold high standards for prospective lifetime partners.  Some people enjoy a single life, but even singles who long for marriage are better off single than married to the wrong person.

Limiting physical intimacy to marriage leads to unselfish maturity. People who are immoral are seeking only to satisfy themselves. Intimacy in marriage is meant to teach partners to focus on each other. They are to seek the benefit and fulfillment of the other person above their own. It is an important way of seeking to bring the other person to the highest and best God has for them. This is not to say that all marriages act like this. There are selfish, immature marriages. We are looking at the ideal God has for us. The sexual relationship may not reach the ideal within marriage, but it will never reach the ideal outside of marriage.

Keeping intimacy within marriage creates the potential for a strong, stable home where children can grow up. God loves children and knows they need a stable environment to feel secure and to mature. When they have confidence that Mom and Dad love and are committed to each other, they can face the storms in their lives from a firm foundation. Immorality breaks this security and introduces fear and instability.

The family unit provides a training center for children from the moment they are born. It teaches not only by words, but also by example. Children need to see their father and mother fully committed to loving and supporting each other. It pictures to the child the committed, loving care of God. God wants children to grow up in loving homes and never have to experience the depths of sin firsthand. God wills that loving Christian homes reproduce themselves in the next generation and the next, etc., until the world is filled with healthy, loving homes serving God. Satan, of course, does not like this plan and seeks to destroy it by twisting sexual desires from a good thing to an evil thing.

Sexual abstinence before marriage and the proper experience of sex within marriage is part of God's plan in preparing us for eternity. No matter how long we live on this planet, it is only a blink of the eye compared with living forever in the presence of God after death. Everything in this life is designed to train and prepare us for the greatness of our life after death. Properly controlling and using our sexual desires is one aspect of our training. It develops character [or else reveals character defects which need to be dealt with]. Our actions and reactions around this intense emotional and physical experience bring many things to the surface.

Finally, sexual abstinence before marriage increases the partners' sexual enjoyment of each other after marriage. They can give themselves completely, lovingly, and with total confidence to their partner. In a healthy relationship, there is no fear of abandonment or rejection. Unfortunately, many marriages do not reach this level, but we should all work toward it. A husband who selfishly requires sex from his wife leaves her feeling abused and taken advantage of.  A wife who refuses to have sex with her husband undermines his sense of self-worth.  Sex, even in marriage, is not to be used as a weapon or a reward.  True sexual intimacy is only one part of a total caring relationship.  Where there is Biblically defined abuse in a marriage, divorce becomes a legitimate option.

Side note: The Bible never instructs us to fight sexual temptation. The command is: FLEE. Run. Do not try to argue with it. Don't try to reason with it. Don't think you are strong. RUN. Do everything you can to avoid it. Look for God's way of escape. It will always be there.

Also, read the article: Better microbes: nature abhors promiscuity.

Why Did God Limit Sex To Marriage:
More Information

Role Of A Husband *** Role Of A Wife  *** Why Is There A Sexual Double Standard? *** Divorce: God's Protection For The Innocent *** Would Jesus Condone Spanking Children? *** How To Find A Spouse *** Destruction Of Marriage *** The Emperor's New Clothes Updated

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